The 4 Levels of Relationships

the 4 levels of relationships*Disclaimer: This is not a short subject so pour yourself a cup of tea and get comfortable before we begin.

For those of you with commitment issues, I have included 4 short videos to summarize each of the 4 levels of relationships for each section. So, just scroll on down...

When it comes to relationships and life, humans are designed to do two things. These two things are "built-in" so to speak. We all have a horizontal life path and a vertical life path.

Our vertical life path or development involves things that don't come easy and require us to put in the work, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or committing to a spiritual study like "A Course in Miracles" (ACIM).

Our verticle development contains our desire to want something different. To grow and seek something outside ourselves. This can be a choice we voluntarily make (like ACIM), or a choice life makes for us (like AA) if we are off-track and moving in the opposite direction of our soul's purpose.

Horizontal examples are those day-to-day or year-to-year things, like getting up every day and brushing your teeth or having a birthday every year. 

So, let's dive into the 4 levels of relationships (as shown below) to better understand our vertical path and the process involved to move to a higher level of consciousness and answer the knawing call from our soul.

It's important to mention that we can move between the four levels many times throughout our day and lifetime. It's only when our personality becomes fully integrated that we no longer dip into the lower levels. Very few individuals have integrated these higher levels of consciousness, but more on that later.

Integration into the higher levels can only come when you navigate dating and relationship challenges as your highest Self...and this takes practice... lots and lots of practice.

The following statement by Dr. Joe Dispenza gives us an idea of how challenging personality integration to a higher level can be.

"Science indicates that we think 60,000 - 70,000 thoughts per day and over 90% of them are repeats from the day before. Same thoughts lead to same choices. Same choices lead to same behaviors. Same behaviors create same experiences. Same experiences lead to same emotions. Same emotions drive our thoughts…and back to the beginning. Everything stays the same as how we think, act and feel...which creates our personality...which creates our reality. We are hard-wired, and by the time we are 35, we become a memorized state of being."

Navigating dating and relationships from our highest Self, and our vertical development, involves deliberate action and a conscious look at our beliefs, thoughts, motives, emotions, and the energy we emit as a result of these 4 areas.  

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” 
~Eckart Tolle

The Level One Relationship

A level one relationship is when someone or something has power over us. Life at this level always feels like it is happening TO us. It begins with "I'm not enough" and is held captive by fear. Some real-life examples of level one relationships are the Netflix series, "Maid" and the tragedy of Gabby Petito

One will experience this plane of consciousness many times throughout life, so it is important to have an understanding of when it is happening so we can get ourselves out of this lower vibrational frequency and destructive pattern as soon as possible.

Not to mention, it takes courage to ask for help. There is no shame in asking. There is shame in suffering but only because you believe you have to go it alone.

Click PLAY below to gain a better understanding of level one.

Level one, according to A Course in Miracles: The closed mind believes the present and the future will be the same. This establishes a seemingly stable state that is usually an attempt to counteract an underlying fear that the future will be worse than the present. This fear inhibits the tendency to question at all.

The Level Two Relationship

As humans, we evolve through our desire and craving to want more...more money, more health, more status, more freedom, more security, and more fulfilling experiences.

The components of level two represent our evolution because of our desire for more. Our society has us convinced we have "arrived" when we have reached the pentacle of these things, and yet, we continually yearn for more.

Level two is the domain of the ego, and we believe everything happens BECAUSE of us.

At level two, we begin to feel inner confidence emerge, but it is not self-esteem until we reach level three.

Click PLAY below to gain a better understanding of level two.

Level 2, according to A Course in Miracles: The questioning mind perceives itself in time and therefore looks for future answers.

The Level Three Relationship

When it comes to your level of consciousness to attract something different in the world of "others", moving into level 3 requires a BIG leap of faith. It's letting go of the ghosts of all relationships past and requires your full commitment to transcend the most dreaded noun in the dictionary...vulnerability!  To enter into level three is no easy task and this is usually the part where someone in our online community exclaims, "this is too hard" or "I'm just fine being single". Therefore, making a u-turn back into the lower levels.

You can exit this page now if you are happy alone and single. Hey, I get it, single was my chosen status for many years.

Although, there will come a time (and you know this) when you find yourself knocking on desire's door and embarking on the path of dating and relationships once again. Why? Because relationships are necessary for our personal growth and fulfillment. 

In level three life is happening THROUGH us. This is the level spiritual texts refer to as "becoming".

Wholehearted inspired living is the hallmark of level three. As we step into the discovery of what takes place when we choose to live our truth and a lifestyle of integrity, life shifts.

Welcome to the path of your authentic Self.

Click PLAY below to gain a better understanding of level three.

Level 3, according to A Course in Miracles: True vision is the natural perception of spiritual sight, but it is still a correction rather than a fact. Spiritual sight is symbolic, and therefore not a device for knowing (level 4). It is, however, a means of right perception (level 3), which brings it into the proper domain of the miracle (level 3). A "vision of God" would be a miracle (level 3) rather than a revelation (level 4). The fact that perception is involved at all removes the experience from the realm of knowledge (level 4). That is why visions, however holy, do not last (level 3).

The Level Four Relationship

Within the container of level four are the planes of love, joy, and peace. You know, all the stuff in which relationships are supposed to be made. These aspects are the reasons we search, seek, long, and yearn for a connection with another. 

However, none of these wonderful things are experienced as the direct result of our relationship with each other, but more accurately how we think, act, and feel about our relationships with others. In other words, no one can ever make us happy. It's an inside job. Nothing happens outside of us. So, why bother dealing with the challenges of "others" you ask. Well, because reality doesn't exist without relationships.

I'm sure you are here because you want to know how to get to level four and have the experience of these sublime feelings right? Sure thing, but we need to pause and take a deeper look at each of these aspects independently. Let's begin with the front door into level 4 and the 7 conditions necessary for true love, and before we move on let's get clear about the definition of true love

The next higher plane of consciousness above love is joy. However, we have to pause here again and take a deeper look at joy. Is it a by-product of relationships or is it cultivated from within? The answer might surprise you.

Finally on to peace. The Bible tells us "the ark of peace is entered two by two". Ah yes, once we find our beloved this is the happily ever after, right? Well, not so fast. Ok, click here to read about the ark of peace and I'll wait until you get back. 

Level four becomes integrated once we are living every aspect of life from a state of BEING-NESS, and if you took the time to read each article about love, joy, and peace you will have a deep understanding of level 4 relationships and the rarity. No wonder less than .4% of the population reaches these higher planes of consciousness, according to Dr. David Hawkins.  

Only when one reaches FULL personality integration and becomes one with the understanding of "I AM" will they arrive on the plane of enlightenment and the highest level of consciousness and the top of level four.  Life is no longer happening because of the individual, but rather it is the power of the energy field.

To be in level four is the understanding that all the four levels are functioning as one unit. There are no different levels or planes only experiences. This is the glory of being human and why we are here. We are every aspect of every experience all the time. As the complete Self.

We are the anger, joy, pain, despair, grief, and love. We can just experience and BE with every moment of seeing matter what.

When we are at level four, we experience true love, joy, and peace as the result of our relationship with the Divine. It has nothing to do with another. We live in a state of bliss in relationship to everything and everyone regardless of what's happening in the world around us. 

The final illumination comes from the depths of an immediate and direct experience.

~ The Upanishads

Click PLAY below to gain a better understanding of level four.


Level four, according to A Course in Miracles: The Bible tells you to know yourself or to be certain. Certainty is always of God. When you love someone, you have perceived him as he is, and this makes it possible for you to know him. Until you first perceive him as he is you cannot know him. While you ask questions about him you are clearly implying that you do not know God.


Need practice integrating the 4 levels of relationships? Be sure to join our online community. Remember, if you are ever having a love S.O.S you can always reach out for some one-on-one relationship advice, and get ready to approach love as your highest Self. 


Inspired by “A Course In Miracles“, “A Course of Love“, Test-Driven for Accuracy, and Injected with Experience. Our relationship advice may cause profound shifts in the way you experience life and cause you to fall in love with others and the world around you.