Do you find you are always the one wearing the pants in a relationship?
Are you frustrated and tired of always feeling like you are contributing more than the other person? Are you the one who always does the majority of the work when it comes to financial or career success, intellectual or spiritual growth, or physical health?
If your feminine power has you exhausted from wearing the pants in a relationship . . .
You might need to tweak your approach to allow the laws of the universe to fulfill your heart’s deepest desires. In other words, pull back the reigns and add a sprinkle of patience.
Sometimes it feels like wearing the pants gives us control and power in a relationship. However, I want to share with you a discovery about what real power looks like and how you can confidently hand the pants over to your masculine partner.
I have been a personal growth junkie of over 20 years. As such, I wish I could tell you that I’m so “enlightened” that I understood all the 10 attributes of the authentic self before I began teaching this locally several months ago. Furthermore, I wish I could say that naturally applying the 10 attributes to my love life just wasn’t a problem.
Cue the music…this is where I look up and discover the anvil falling from the sky and heading directly towards my big head!
Like most of you, I have spent several moments, days, years of my life re-defining who I am. As a result of my adventurous journey, I have had many wonderful (and not so wonderful) careers and experiences. But there were always those times of uncertainty. I could describe my love life, and when I was in a relationship, in much the same way. The only difference is I allowed for patience in every area of my life. . . EXCEPT when it came to love.
When it came to the men in my life, I expected them to have everything figured out at all times…
However, I was also tired of wearing the pants in my relationships. So, when it came to being in a relationship, I naturally focused my “search” for the man whom I deemed powerful enough to wear his own pants. After all, when this guy shows up, we will, of course, recognize him immediately. We will have no doubt about his power and have no problem relinquishing the pants, right?
It was easier to commit to a career, spiritual path, or way of life when I was alone. It was empowering, and ladies, don’t we thrive on feeling powerful?! There’s an entire movement around feminine power going on, and we cultivate it as a one (wo)man job. This alone-ness is becoming the norm and often loneliness is reported as the experience of women in relationships and marriages as well. Furthermore, it should be no surprise to learn that being lonely and living alone is actually becoming a health hazard.
However, on the spiritual path, one will also begin to feel the gravity of the heart yearning for unity with another. The challenge, of course, is bringing someone into our lone-wolf lifestyle, where we will be watching for signs that our enlightened life will not be mucked up by this new addition.
While creating The 10 Pillars of Transformation course, I committed to trusting in a process (pillar #1). It required a leap of faith into the unknown world of parity. I was challenged every time my beloved appeared to be someone I did not want. When this happened, I knew it was my past creeping into my thoughts. I knew this disappointment was coming from my thoughts about the confines of being in a relationship, and the men who have been letting me down since the beginning of time.
I can hear a virtual “Amen sister” from the ladies out there!
You see, throughout the past ten months when I was trying hard to integrate these attributes (this list is earned, it’s not built in – ACIM), I had to allow space for the unknown to happen. This wasn’t always easy.
My Beloved is no exception to the flow of life. He also has been navigating the past several months trying to re-define himself while integrating the qualities of the 10 Pillars. And for me, well let’s just say patience wasn’t always on my agenda. When my man appeared to be “letting me down”, I had to let go of the powerful weapons of my past. I learned to count on these secret weapons throughout my dating and relationship career. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how vulnerable and frightening this can be when you lay down all of your weapons and replace it with the patience required to allow a process just to happen naturally.
So, how do you learn to trust a man when every man you have ever known has let you down?
Men are fallible. If you expect a man to walk through your rose garden wearing Georgio Armani, with a bottle of wine tucked under arm, and his pocket bulging from . . . money . . . yeah, I was always going to say money – (sheesh, gutter minds out there), well it doesn’t always work that way . . . this isn’t what the portal to love looks like.
Patience, trusting in a process and the portal to love looks something like this:
When I wanted to pull out my mighty sword and prod him with antagonistic anger because he wasn’t’ making decisions fast enough, I had to be still, patient and trust in a process.
When I wanted to use my most powerful secret weapon of self-righteousness, laced with blame and abdication, for everything that wasn’t going right, I had to be still, patient and trust in a process.
During the times I wanted to stab him with the power of withdrawal, enforce the silent treatment and just walk away, I had to be still, patient and trust in a process.
When I felt my knee jerk reaction to pull out my most powerful weapon of all, draw a line in the sand and yell, “YOU AREN’T DOING IT RIGHT!”, I had to be still, patient and trust in a process.
This process allows the energy from the Divine flow of life to deliver more than you can ever imagine.
It will take your breath away when it happens. At this moment, you realize the truth and the real potential of the person sitting across from you by simply giving them the opportunity to come into their own power and giving them the space they need to succeed. You will also come face to face with the power and strength of the relationship. In this moment, you will recognize the true meaning of love. This process stems from patience and happens from our quiet minds. It allows us to relinquish the past, the need to be in control, and the desire to be the one always wearing the pants in a relationship.