(The topic – Should love always feel good – needs to begin with a disclaimer. This article is not giving guidance or advice to anyone in an abusive or life-threatening relationship. If this is your situation you need to call 911 or a crisis hotline.) If this isn’t you please keep reading…
Don’t You Love The Rush Of Falling In Love?
It’s the greatest feeling when you experience the flutter of queasiness in your stomach and sweaty palms. In addition, the exhilaration of uncertainty fills the air, and you feel weirdly confused and strangely hooked on the adrenaline. Although one might love the rush of “falling in love” this description is merely the experience of lust and desire and characteristic of a level two relationship. It is this craving which leaves one enslaved to the relationship and anchored in the pain of disappointment when things don’t turn out as expected – yet again.
We’ll take a scientific look at this feeling through Newton’s 3rd law of physics below, but for now, let’s focus on the rush which keeps us in the dating game and keeps us searching for the one who will ignite such feelings, which brings us to the question…
Should Love Always Feel Good?
In the short video below Oprah has a conversation with Gary Zukav and his spiritual partner of 17 years Linda Francis. They explain why love isn’t about finding that one special person who will always make you feel good. However, it is more about finding a spiritual partner who makes you question who you are from the depths of your personal fears. One must then find the courage to speak their truth, although it feels like everything could be lost.
“Spiritual Partners Say Things They Are Most Afraid Will Destroy the Partnership.” ~ Gary Zukav
In the following 4 minute video, Gary and Linda describe why a spiritual partnership and the level 3 relationship, is often a rocky terrain. This video opens the door for us to ask, should love always feel good?
The Level 3 Relationship
Relaxed Relationships calls this type of relationship “level 3.” The level 3 relationship is about two individuals who are committed to their spiritual growth. Both recognize the means to grow within the commitment of the relationship. It’s not the commitment to another, but rather the commitment to yourself to always be your highest Self. Each partner takes full responsibility for every issue which arises. They question their emotions, acknowledge their personal baggage and recognize the opportunity to change a sabotaging behavior. This behavior, by the way, has existed in every single relationship prior.
The level one relationship contains the characteristics of “let’s just do nothing and pretend everything is ok.” If your relationships reside primarily in level 2,you don’t think twice about throwing in the towel, and all your relationships usually end in fight or flight. In addition, you might have a combination of both levels when you experience passive (level 1) and/or aggressive (level 2) behavior. The circumstances will always be different, but the pattern is the same.
The level 3 relationship is sometimes painful (I’m not talking about physical abuse or pain). It feels raw and at times uncertain. It is a relationship which embarks on unchartered territory. The uncharted territory of true love (level 4). Therefore, it is at the moment you don’t respond with the knee-jerk reactions of blame and anger that your authentic power finds an avenue for expression. In addition, adds to your instantaneous understanding that The Ark of Peace is Entered Two by Two.
Furthermore, this tear in the fabric of your personality allows you to expose your authentic Self.
Personal growth is NEVER comfortable. Our unwillingness to be vulnerable is largely the reason why less than .4% of the world’s population will ever experience true love. It’s time to take a hard look at the question: Should love always feel good? Every time we are face-to-face with a challenging moment, it appears the person across from us is the perpetrator. We are armed with defensiveness, ready to point the finger. We are ready to tell them every reason why they are at fault for making us sad or angry. How dare you make me upset and uncomfortable! The ego demands.
However, when the relationship issue boils to the surface, this is your opportunity to create change. Furthermore, this challenging moment will determine your willingness and readiness to grow spiritually. The opportunity for change arises when you feel the urge to fight or take flight. It is in this terrifying moment you stay and do something different. This opens the pathway to your highest Self. You are about to face your deepest fears and experience a profound shift.
If You Are Willing To See This Process Through, It Will Feel Like The Rush Of Falling In Love.
That’s right; you will experience the flutter of queasiness in your stomach, and your palms will sweat. Also, the exhilaration of uncertainty will flood the air, and you feel confused and strangely (subconsciously) hooked on the adrenaline. It is interesting that the feeling of falling in love signals to the body the same feelings as falling out of love. Why? Because of Newton’s Third Law of Physics which formally states;
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object.
Therefore, in every moment, we only have one of two choices, and in the human body, fear triggers the same emotions as love. The only difference is what WE CHOOSE to experience. Will you choose love or will you choose fear? Fear is, “Oh no, what if something awful happens?!” Love is, “Oh wow, what if something amazing happens?!” This is why A Course in Miracles states each level is only a few degrees apart.
The Opportunity For Love Happens When You Question The Urge Of Flight Or Fight.
So, when you’re ready to stand in the vulnerability of the spiritual partnership, just remember the path to love often feels like your own personal crucifixion. This process leads to understanding your authentic Self and opens the portal of real love.
“How Can Spirituality Be Anything But Wonderful And Reverend And How Can It Be Anything But Extraordinarily Challenging. ~ Gary Zukav
The challenges are beyond any that I’ve found, and the rewards are beyond anything I could have imagined. A spiritual partnership is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was determined to stay, and it was quite painful at first because I had to look at myself. It’s not the relationship that is painful; it’s what you discover in yourself that’s painful, and the relationship brings that up. ~Linda Francis