What do you think it takes to have a healthy relationship? Furthermore, what is the impact unhealthy relationships can have on our lives?
As it turns out, a 75-year-old study on adult development has been taking place to find out what keeps people happy and healthy as they go through life. Do you think it’s fame and money? You’re not alone, but according to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, you’re mistaken.
What Makes a Good Life?
A group of millennials were surveyed and asked, “what makes a good life?” It’s interesting to note, 80% answered their number one life goal was to “get rich,” and of the same 50%, another life goal was to “become famous.” Most of us remember when we had the same beliefs about life. We were young, just starting out and carried a clean slate. Furthermore, many of us also believed those two things would be our “ticket to happiness.” This is what I thought and believed until I experienced attaining a multi-millionaire status by my mid-twenties, and then realizing it didn’t fill the emptiness I felt inside. As a result, I was fortunate to realize at a young age that “the good life” does not equal happiness.
Three Relationship Lessons
“Good relationships keep us happier and healthier”
#1: Social connections are good for us and produce happiness. They make us physically healthier. Therefore, we live longer.
Loneliness is toxic. When we are less happy, our health declines earlier. Our brain function also declines, and we die sooner. Furthermore, one in five Americans reports being lonely.
#2: It’s not how many close relationships that matter, but the quality. High conflict relationships are bad for our health. Living in safe, warm relationships is “protective”. “Furthermore, the people most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80” – Waldinger
It’s not the Quantity of Close Relationships that Matter, But the Quality…
“The happiest partnered men and women reported in their 80’s that on the days they had more physical pain in their bodies, their moods stayed just as happy. However, the people in unhappy relationships reported that the days they were in more physical pain, it became more magnified by more emotional pain.”
#3: As it turns out, good relationships don’t just protect our bodies, but our brains as well. Being in a securely attached relationship in our 80’s is protective. However, those in relationships who felt like they couldn’t count on one another experienced mental decline. According to the study, relationships don’t have to be smooth all the time. You can bicker day in and day out, but if you feel you can count on the other person when things get tough is when bickering won’t take a toll on your memories.
What do you think? Please share your thoughts and experiences below. If you like this article just subscribe to our relationship blogs on your right.
Although bickering might be ok for your memories, it certainly isn’t part of the curriculum of Relaxed Relationships. Discover what it takes to have a relationship filled with love, joy, and peace. Understanding the 7 conditions for True Love begins with one’s highest Self.
Why is this so hard to get and easy to ignore? We’re human. We want a quick fix, something sexy and glamorous.
After all, relationships are messy, complicated and life long.
-Waldinger
Credits: Robert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development.