Honesty in relationships, or lack thereof, seems to be a significant source of blame when it comes to dating and relationships.
We constantly hear that others aren’t honest in their online profiles. They aren’t honest about how much money they make, how much was spent on the shopping spree, or honest when it comes to telling the entire story about a night out with the guys/girls. We can justify that it is ok to dismiss the little white lies in comparison to the colossal stuff when it comes to honesty in relationships, however . . .
How can we have success in our relationships (and lives) when any degree of deceit and fraud is present?
Dishonesty stems from a lack of self-confidence. This lack enters our relationships as an old familiar guest and begins to remind us of our past failures. This lack can also show up as conflict, which pulls up a chair and refuses to leave. Failure will become the featured guest and will eventually crash the party . . . EVERY time!
When we ask our members how they define honesty in relationships when addressing a challenge they always begin with something like;
“Hey, I want to talk to you about something and I’m going to be completely honest . . . “
Now, most of us would agree this appears to be a gentle and direct approach. After all, it’s important to address one’s needs within the context of a relationship. Right? Right.
However, this is not honesty as defined by A Course in Miracles and the attributes of the Authentic Self. This is abdication. Abdication falls at the bottom of individual consciousness according to the scientific work of Dr. David Hawkins.
The need to tell someone or “be honest” with them is triggered by the feeling of despair. When one feels the need to correct anything they are not living in their natural state of “Being.” This natural state of Being is also known as Real LOVE. It’s important to note that real love only knows perfect peace. This state of Being is LEVEL FOUR as shown in the Relaxed Relationship Compass. The level of despair and abdication falls in LEVEL ONE.
So, when approaching the topic of honesty in relationships perhaps try using the path of gentleness and learn the process to cultivate real love.