Let’s take a Hard look at why Defensiveness In Relationships Destroys The Passage For Love…
As once a terminally single person, I can tell you for many years I believed showing up with defensive posturing made me believe I was less vulnerable. I was surprised to learn this was actually a sign I didn’t trust myself.
We have been taught, we have learned through our experiences, and therefore have become accustomed to believing that REAL trust means that SOMEONE ELSE needs to EARN the right to be in a relationship with us once THEY have proven themselves to be TRUST-WORTHY.
However, on the path of personal growth when you desire to reach your full potential in relationships and desire to experience REAL love, learning to navigate your relationship challenges (as your Highest Self) it is important to understand that REAL trust has NOTHING to do with someone else. A Course of Love has this to say about trust…
Before we move on let’s check in with A Course in Miracles on the topic of defensiveness…
The world gives rise but to defensiveness. For threat brings anger, anger makes the attack seem reasonable, honestly provoked, and righteousness the name of self-defense. Is defensiveness a double threat. For it attests to weakness and sets up a system of defense that cannot work. Now are the weak still further undermined, for there is a treachery without and still a greater treachery within. ~A Course in Miracles
It’s important to realize, defensive positioning gives us a false sense of power. When we realize the truth of who we are, we begin to lay down our defensive posturing. It is when we recognize the truth in another which allows the portal of true Love to open.
“For There is a Treachery without and Still a Greater Treachery Within…”
So many times we unknowingly destroy the passage for love. Therefore, when we are defensive in any situation, it is a sign we are dragging our past into our current relationship challenge. If you find yourself consistently blaming others and thinking that “all men are alike” or “all the good women are taken,” this is a sure sign you are showing up with brick and mortar in hand. Defensiveness is the brick and mortar used to build the new walls of your old relationship pattern.
How does one overcome illusions? Surely not by force or anger, nor by opposing them in ANY way. Merely by letting REASON tell you that they contradict reality. They go against what must be true. The opposition comes from them, and NOT reality. Reality opposes nothing….Everything that needs defense you do not want, for anything that needs defense will weaken you. ~A Course in Miracles
We must remember that our ability to transform rests on trust. This understanding allows us to soften. This understanding opens the door for the winds of change.
Defensiveness In Relationships Destroys The Passage For Love…
In A Course in Miracles, defenselessness is one of the attributes of the authentic Self. It is a quality we “earn” through our consistency in how we show up in our relationships.
Therefore, it is through self-evaluation that we must step back and ask ourselves the following 5 questions:
1. If I lay down my defenses with others what could happen?
2. What could happen if I allow myself to be vulnerable in moments I feel I need to be right and in control?
3. If I put down my guard and just allow life to happen what is the real potential?
4. What if I allow myself to see through the deceit of illusions and choose to understand who others could become?
5. What could be my potential with others, and with myself, at the moment I just accept everything as it is?
A common question we hear from our online community is: “How long will it take to reach a level whereby I am unaffected by what others are doing to me?” Perhaps, the real question to ask is . . .
“In what Situations am I Willing to Show up in the State of Defenselessness?”
Relinquishment of our need to be right and in control, allows us to lay down our swords and our defensiveness in relationships.
“Peace is the State Where Love Abides” ~ A Course of Love
This process of relinquishment becomes the enlightening discovery of how relationships plummet over defensive posturing vs. how relationships soar through defenselessness. Perhaps next time you face a challenge, consider laying down your sword and giving up the need to be right!
It is through continuous questioning of our beliefs, and our thoughts, which will allow us to see the reality of another. In addition, it is important to remember, reality doesn’t exist without a relationship.
In conclusion, It is not danger that comes when defenses are laid down.
It is Safety. . . it is Peace. . . it is Joy. . . and it is God. ~A Course in Miracles
In other words, it is LOVE
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Inspired by “A Course In Miracles“, “A Course of Love“, Test-Driven for Accuracy, and Injected with Experience. Our relationship advice may cause profound shifts in the way you experience life and cause you to fall in love with others and the world around you.