Here’s a little dating advice for those who are tired of the single scene, but might be feeling terminally single…
The term “terminally single” was my username while I was dating online (off and on for about 3 years).
Now, don’t get me wrong I wasn’t sitting around crying in my wine glass because I was alone. I spent the majority of my 30’s single and loving it!
However, I do want to mention, although I felt happy and good alone it perplexed me how much time I spent thinking about NOT being alone and single. Now looking back I realize this was a sign I was evolving, and as we evolve we actually desire to live in relationship with others.
As I couldn’t deny this feeling I was willing to go online and label myself “available”. However, finding a good mate wasn’t very easy.
You know you are in this category when you’ve read every self-help book, clicked on every Youtube video about love and relationships, look fantastic when you go to the store for eggs, and join every gathering possible where humans congregate in hopes of putting yourself in the path of meeting someone. You promise yourself it will be different this time and worth your effort. In addition, you really think you understand “the secrets to love” but inevitably disappointment settles in and you crash into the wall of relationship death (once again).
However, when disappointment becomes your primary companion it’s time to take a hard look at yourself. When the dating scene looks dire and you begin to feel hopeless it’s a sure sign it’s time for some inner adjustments. The symptoms can include depression, regret about things you did in your past, and the strong desire to just give up and spend the rest of your life alone. But don’t.
New scientific evidence proves to be lonely and living alone can create a health hazard.
It’s been a while since I began a Meetup for singles called Relaxed Relationships. Consequently, as a result of my empathy and understanding for the “terminally single.”
It began when I sat in for a friend who was teaching The Law of Attraction. I mentioned the principles work for relationships as well, and EVERYONE LEANED IN. Furthermore, I shared how I was able to overcome the challenges of dating and relationships and experience something completely different. I also shared how it eventually led me to the most beautiful relationship I have now and the discovery of the path to real love.
Way back then, I empathized with everyone who began settling into the status of “terminally single.” I remembered feeling that way myself at times during almost two decades of the divorced single life.
In addition, there were many years I was tired of hurting others, being hurt, and was truly fine just being alone. Therefore, I considered avenues in which I could just be fluid and unattached. Truthfully, I was unwilling to be all the way “in” and if I’m going to be completely honest with you I have to confess…
A terminally single person ALWAYS has their inevitable escape route already in place, they never do “the leave behind”, and are unwilling to be vulnerable.
I tried to convince myself I was happy being alone and single. It was easy to believe this was true because I had a great life. However, I also had nagging thoughts which consistently took me to the fantasy of finding someone with whom I could spend the rest of my life.
Although, my biggest fear was that it would be more like “doing time” versus spending time living happily ever after.
As it turned out, most of the members in our Meetup related to feeling this way also, and therefore, I found the courage to share with the group (gulp) my secret for navigating the dating and relationship terrain.
Here’s how it went down…
Picture yourself sitting in the back of a pizza joint in a semi-private room. It was a small space that held about 40 singles who showed up for a little mix and mingle and some “dating advice”.
We all sat at a joined table in a big square, shoulder to shoulder, and it was tight. We served pizza and drinks for those who wanted alcohol. After all, it was a singles mixer. Well… sorta. The point I’m making is, it was a very casual and laid-back group. It was usually half men and half women. So, now picture me standing in front of the room holding this big chart ready to explain the ladder of consciousness in relationships. Yeah, I really used the word “consciousness” in the midst of all the side conversations of,
“Hey, baby wanna get together later?”
Ok, I didn’t really hear those words uttered, but don’t underestimate one’s ability to ‘hear” the thoughts of lonely singles.
Talking about the levels of consciousness might not sound like a big deal today as there are a lot more avenues for personal growth and ongoing conversations about being your highest Self, but over a decade ago this wasn’t the case.
As a result of my courage to share this information with others brings us to this blog many years later. In addition to helping you and my desire to share the steps to understanding love’s mystery.
Join us here if you would like to become part of our online community.
Oh, and anytime you are looking for a little dating and relationship advice you can find the reasons I felt compelled to share “THE CHART” right here!
More encouragement for the terminally single…My beloved and I are celebrating over a decade together. I have to admit the path leading to where we are now is NOTHING like I thought it would be. We’ve always been willing to share our experiences from both a male and female perspective. This process has been used to show others what happens when we allow the laws of love to create a path by merely applying a little patience to the process.