The 10 Attributes of the Authentic Self

Discover the 10 Attributes of Your Authentic Self Through Your Relationships

When we speak our truth in dating and relationships, we begin stepping into our personal power. This power is the beginning of showing up authentically in the world as oneself. Also, it is when we accept all aspects of ourselves (and others) that we realize individuation occurs within the context of the relationship. This leads us down the path to personality integration and opens the doorway to real love.

attributes of the authentic selfYou become confused between the personal self and a true Self only because you have not as yet identified your true Self. Once you have identified your true Self all such confusion will end. ~A Course of Love

Furthermore, it is time well spent when we work on ourselves; meditating, yoga, books, or counseling perhaps. But here's the deal, we still have to show up as these qualities in our relationships. No matter what! It's easy from our meditation chairs, and the exercises of deep breathing and visualization help a lot, but the path to integration is when one is authentic and practices being these qualities in the midst of relationship issues and life challenges. Therefore, the integrated personality does not respond with fear, anger, shame, disappointment, pride, or blame.

Let's take an In-Depth look at the Process of Personality Integration

First of all, the following ten attributes, or personality characteristics, are the qualities of individuals who are advanced in their learning. In other words, the below-mentioned list (once integrated) establishes an individual firmly rooted in their authentic Self. One who has integrated these attributes or qualities does not waiver, even in the midst of relationship issues and the challenges of life.

A Course in Miracles students will know this list as "The Qualities of the Advanced Teachers of God."

attributes of the authentic self

One Who Has Integrated These Attributes Does Not Waiver

Forget not that who you are is what you are here to make known and thus you must be a being who knows love without fear, joy without sorrow, and life everlasting. You must Be this. ~A Course of Love

relaxed relationships compass

Click here to see this chart in action

On this path to discovery, we will learn what is involved in integrating these qualities into our personality. The only way through this process is to practice through our relationships. Why? Because...The ten attributes listed below are qualities and characteristics, but they belong to us only as the result of a "specified cause." In other words, we have to EARN these qualities.

"These ten attributes become part of our personality and reputation as the result of consistency in how we show up in our relationships." ~A Course in Miracles 

On this path to discovery, we will learn what is involved in integrating these qualities into our personality. The only way through this process is to practice through our relationships. Why? Because...

Reality Doesn't Exist Without Relationship

When I began to develop this curriculum for the Relaxed Relationship members, I set the timing of the course as one attribute per month. As a co-creator with the Divine, I ask to know what each attribute looks like to share it with others from this higher point of view. We all know firsthand that part of the process of asking is our willingness to allow a personal process to happen. In addition, accepting EVERYTHING that comes our way with grace. We go more into the details of this process through What is A Relaxed Relationship.

Well, needless to say, going through this process personally felt like a roller coaster ride in and out of the unknown. There were many challenges and the feeling of uncertainty at times was unbearable. At first, I was tempted to rearrange this list, only to realize now the importance of the order of these attributes and the process of integration.
As a result, please find below the many articles inspired and written as a result of this personal journey, and I'm sure many of the meanings will surprise you.

The 10 Attributes of the Authentic Self


1. Trust

When it comes to integrating trust there is a 6 step process. Without realizing it we all have been down this path many times, but unfortunately, make a U-turn before the process can be completed. Hmmm, and what is the definition of insanity? So, it's no surprise the number one relationship challenge is trust. Oh, and by the way, our ability to transform rests on trust>>>

2. Honesty

When we ask our members how they would define being honest when addressing a relationship challenge they always begin with something like, “Hey, I want to talk to you about something that’s going on, and I’m going to be completely honest…” Now, most of us would agree this appears to be a gentle and direct approach to addressing one’s needs within the context of the relationship. Right? However, this is not honesty as defined by the attributes of the authentic Self - This is abdication>>>

3. Tolerance

On the path to transformation, the very act of judgment destroys honesty and shatters trust. When it comes to tolerance, the power to endure through the process of dating and relationships depends on our ability to use discernment instead of judgment, which ultimately leads to self-deception or self-actualization>>>

4. Gentleness

How can we be gentle with others in confusing situations of fear, anger, and suspicious motives? Can compassion and gentleness be our mode of operating when these situations put us in a complete state of vulnerability>>>

5. Joy

If you are single, you want to believe that joy is something that you cultivate and experience from within. It would be inconvenient to the single lifestyle if joy were the by-product of a relationship>>>

6. Defenselessness

We might feel less vulnerable when we show up in a position of defensiveness when it comes to navigating love. However, this is actually a sign we do not trust ourselves. Reminder, our ability to transform rests on trust>>>

7. Generosity

By now, as we embark on the 7th pillar of transformation, we are realizing in order to create successful relationships we have to put the cart BEFORE the horse. I personally have been enjoying the expansive feelings which have been increasing as I move up the ladder of the ten pillars. If there is one experience in which I appreciate the most about the relationship with my Beloved it's the non-stop laughter. In addition, creativity is endless. The insanity of it all is viewed through the lens of humor. This light-heartedness keeps us feeling the serenity of joy. Keep reading to see what I mean...

8. Patience

The truth is, many portals to love will open throughout our lifetime. However, we miss these opportunities as there is something that must take place between the first pickup line, and the time it takes leading up to the realization we have something meaningful, fulfilling, and everlasting>>>

9. Faithfulness

You see, here’s what we do: we try to be faithful to some things, but not others. When we enter into a relationship, we subconsciously say, “I’m going to love you as long as you meet my needs.” When we think this way, it is a projection of ourselves in that we are the ones wavering from our faithfulness>>>

10. Open-Mindedness

Forgiveness is the single aim of the authentic Self and the final goal of The 10 Pillars of Transformation. Furthermore, as open-mindedness links to lack of judgment, we can understand why forgiveness plays such an important role on the path to Self-realization>>>

The Process of Moving through and Integrating each of these 10 Attributes Leads down the Path to Discovering...

quotes on love

 True Love

Love has no attributes, which is why it cannot be taught. Therefore if love cannot be taught but only recognized, how is this recognition made possible?

Through love's effects. For cause and effect are one. Creation is love's effect, as are you.   Discover More...


Love is Not Something You Do.

It's What You Are. 


Inspired by “A Course In Miracles”, " A Course of Love" test-driven for accuracy, and injected with experience.